Why I Hate Having the Poors

If ever there were a shoe that would go perfectly with my Shotz Brewery uni, this is it my friends.


Currently available to pre-order at Sak's this week for a very reasonable $990.00 plus shipping.

Unfortunately we have a raging case of the poors.

*le sigh*

Dilly Beans: A Suzy Homemaker Exclusive

Srsly: Do I look like the kind of gal who cans?

I grew up in New Jersey in the Tang Dynasty for chrissakes.

So what could possibly make me spend an afternoon in a steamy kitchen stuffing green beans into glass jars, covering them with brine and boiling them up?

Demon rum of course.

How delicious does this look?



Not half as good as it tastes, that's how.

Autumn (the neighbor not the season) brought some Dilly Beans over as a little amuse bouche last spring and all I could think about was how great those spicy, crunchy, dilly beans would be in a Bloody Mary.

I begged and pleaded with Megan, the other Concord resident who cans, to help me make DBs. We did and they are so damn good, I might have to tackle some spiced peaches to serve in the long brim winter with some pork roast.



I'm not even going to try to explain all of this--between The Monty Python bit about the Grim Reaper and the Salmon Mousse, not to mention the entire plot of that Nicole when-she-still-looked-like-an-actual-human Kidman movie Dead Calm, I don't want to be the cause of even one minor case of botulism.

Want to make your own garnish? Check out this website:The Crispy Cook.

It appears to be the exact recipe we used.

I've got no such qualms about my Bloody Mary recipe.

It hasn't killed anyone.

Yet.

Bloody Mary

For 1 killer drink:

1 tablespoon prepared horseradish
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
3 dashes Tabasco
1/4 juicy lime
5 ounces tomato juice
1/5 ounces light rum
3 Dilly Beans
Brunch (optional)

Muddle the first four ingredients in the bottom of a tall glass. Add 6-8 ice cubes and the tomato juice. Give it a stir, add the rum, stir again and garnish with the beans.

Serve with brunch if desired.

Yum.

Bacon

Have all y'all seen Jim Gaffigan's bacon flavored stand up?

Genius.





As is any sort of pasta dinner that uses bacon....



A few nights ago I did the 4:00 fridge rummage, trying to cobble together a dinner that wouldn't necessitate a trip to the store. Which I have to say is an idea for a reality show I would watch faithfully.

Put 10 Moms in an average kitchen 6 days out from the last big shop and see what they come up with.

The last person to order pizza wins.

Bacon Pasta Toss
Serves 6

1 pound short pasta
6 slices bacon
1 onion, roughly chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 14.5 ounce can fire roasted diced tomatoes
10 basil leaves, stacked, rolled and sliced thinly
freshly grated Parmesan cheese, about a quarter cup
a few cranks of black pepper

Boil the pasta according to package directions. Drain and reserve 1/2 cup pasta cooking liquid.

Meanwhile fry the bacon over medium heat in a large heavy saucepan. Remove when crisp and drain on paper towels. Pour all but a couple tablespoons bacon grease out of the pan. Add the onion and the garlic and lower the heat a little. Cook, stirring frequently until the onions are limp and glossy. Add the tomatoes and most of the liquid from the tomato can and let simmer while the pasta finishes cooking.

Drain the pasta, toss with the bacon and tomato mixture. Add some of the reserved pasta cooking liquid if it seems dry. Sprinkle with the basil, pepper and the grated cheese.

Cookbook Giveaway!

There it is, right on her counter!
Leave a comment on the
Concord Monitor Website on our Mad TV Frugal Feasts column
for a chance to win the Betty Crocker Hostess Cookbook!

This Seller is Probably Not from Baltimore. Or Long Island.

(Click on the screen cap to enlarge)

I'm headed off on the Loveboat with The Littles for a Mountain family vacation in a few weeks.

Anyone who's ever spent even a minute on the Lido Deck knows that you need to spiff it up for dinners with Captain Stubing and thus I found myself trolling around Ebay looking for a deal on some Vineyard Vines ties.

How could I not click on the one labeled parking meters?

And if in fact these are parking meters, then I guess you could say that I wasn't actually a lacrosse scheduler and/or a lax mom.

I believe the term would be meter maid.

Crock Pot Ribs

I made some ribs, yes I did and I used the crock pot.

I followed the pulled pork recipe from December 2009, and they turned out great--finger-licking super.

However this is not the photo of my ribs, I took this photo and put it here so you could see the potential for your ribs.

They look great don't they?

My family devoured my pretty ribs before I could snap a picture

So follow the link and Enjoy!!!!

R

New Frugal Feasts Column and Cookbook Giveaway

Polynesian Dip!
Photo by Ken Williams for The Concord Monitor


The Spread...
Photo by Ken Williams for The Concord Monitor

Cocktails Anyone?
Photo by Ken Williams for The Concord Monitor

Mad TV

On Sunday night at 9 we’ll be having a little cocktail party with costumes strongly encouraged, and we think you should have one too. What better way to celebrate the return of Mad Men to AMC than to throw on a darling vintage dress, shake up a cocktail or two and watch the drama unfold? For the last 40 weeks we’ve had to make do with the assorted wretched housewives of Bravo (and an occasional episode of The Bachelorette) but when that animated adman begins his tumble and our ears are filled with the light and jazzy theme music, we will be in teevee heaven.

Are you as obsessed with this show as The Fru-Gals?

If the answer is yes, we know you’ll appreciate our recipes for period drinks and snacks to help set the mood.

If the answer is no, then you’ve got four days to get yourself up to speed because, simply put, Mad Men is the best show on television. In all honesty we can’t remember one we’ve loved more, and yes we have taken Dallas and Melrose Place into consideration. Mad Men is essentially a soap opera, with all the intrigue, plot twists and hidden pregnancies the genre demands. Set in an advertising agency in the early 1960s, this show is nominally about the glamorous lives of the ad execs and their smooth attempts to whet the appetites of Americans for air travel and slide projectors and long lasting lipsticks; but at its core this is a show about change. Looking back from the vantage point of 2010 America we know that women of all ethnicities will eventually have the opportunity to rise above the rigidity of wifely duty, motherhood and the shark infested water of the secretarial pool, and it is this 20/20 hindsight that makes this show endlessly fascinating.

We know for certain that Peggy is going to rise to the top of the new agency and we are pretty sure Betty is going to be just as miserable in her new marriage as in her old one; we are just not sure how they will get from there to here and we can’t wait to connect the dots.


As much as we love looking at Don Draper’s handsome face and listening to Roger Sterling’s hilarious quips, for us the show is all about the women. How they dress, how they act (and react), how they modulate themselves to alternately conform and confront the rules of society; these are the things we love the most. The friction between the placid surface of white society in the early 1960s and the turbulent undertow of human emotion and changing social mores infuses this show with a dark complexity that is addictive. But if Matt Weiner suffered an unfortunate accident and the writing team was replaced with 12 typing monkeys we’d still be happy to turn down the sound and be dazzled by the sets and the costumes, each one more gorgeous and spot on than the one before. Which is probably why we are having such a hard time deciding what to wear on Sunday night. Once again the men have it easy….sharp suit, skinny tie, tumbler full of neat whiskey and voila, costume is done. But the female characters on this show are all so different, and so great.

Here’s what the Fru-Gals are considering:


Betty Draper is thin, blond and rich. And if that weren’t enough to make you ache with jealousy, she also has the most handsome husband, the most adorable children and the most gorgeous wardrobe ever assembled in a suburban walk-in closet. So why is Betty so miserable? And why is she such a bad mother? Watching Betty in action is as shocking to our sensibilities as finding out that Carol Brady was a secret drinker or that Laura Petrie spent her days wooing the milk man while Rob was at work. Oh but those clothes. While it is true that Betty could wear burlap and look like royalty, she favors small florals, pale colors and lacy cocktail dresses. Every outfit is eye candy, and we will always be hungry for more. But since neither of us have a 23 inch waist, we are considering our options.



It would be easy to sit in judgment of Joan Holloway, the bombshell office manager, but she is so much smarter and more capable than any of the men on the show that we just want to be her. And to take up the accordion so we could charm the hell out of our husband’s bosses at a moment’s notice. Joan is efficient and discreet, keeping score and ruling the office with her little gold pen, her withering comments and her iron undergarments. You could do worse when confronted with a sticky situation than to ask yourself the question “What would Joan do?” , then act accordingly. Joan has a figure that won’t quit and knows how to dress to accentuate her many charms. She favors jewel tones, great scarves and a nice, snug fit. And speaking of that snug fit; if you can’t fill out a sweater, move on.



Trudy Campbell: We’ve come to love Trudy as she finds her way past the dreams of a prefect family wrecked by her infertility. She is a young housewife of means and is clearly on the way up the social ladder. She is smart and capable and cheerful and she is devoting her life to make sure her husband Peter stays on the right track. He is smart and motivated and flawed. Lucky for him Perky Trudy is always there with a soothing word, a jaunty hat and a sack of sandwiches. We like everything in Trudy’s young and saucy wardrobe: bright florals, Capri pants and an endless collection of darling hats including the unforgettable fuzzy bucket she wore in the final episode last season.


Peggy Olson is the woman on the show who most easily maneuvers through the changing times. She gets herself promoted up and out of the secretarial pool and is easily better at her job than any of the male copywriters. She is in an interesting place; juxtaposed between the 1950s and a repressive family that expects her to stay on a narrow path and the brave new world that is opening in the decade ahead of her. Peggy has yet to really find her personal style but always makes an effort and comes off looking neat and professional. Her sensible shoes, small collars and small scarves balance out her full skirts and her burning ambition. Dressing as Peggy might not be the most glamorous option but if Sunday night is extra humid, her ponytail will look mighty attractive.


Mona Sterling is the long suffering and now ex-wife of Roger Sterling. She is a half a generation older than most of the women in the show, and she looks terrific as she wields her dry wit to eviscerate Roger’s new wife and to bring her ridiculous daughter to her senses. We hope she isn’t gone from the show because she steals every scene they give her and her interactions with Roger are about the only thing that keeps him in line. Mona loves a good skirt suit and she favors brocade; smartly accessorized with big earrings and rolling eyes.



Rachel Menken is the fashion-forward head of a posh Manhattan department store. She is one of the few unmarried and professional women on the show and we hated when Don Draper broke her heart. Rachel is a dark beauty with an unlimited budget and great fashion sense. To dress like Rachel just channel a certain Mrs. Kennedy: light colors and classic silhouettes. Break out the good jewelry because Rachel doesn’t do costume.



Jane Sterling is Roger’s new wife and when we see her she is typically over served and underfed. A pretty young thing in her 20s, she might have taken on more in this marriage than she can handle. Regardless, she always looks perfect and can rock a white shirt and a pencil skirt like nobody’s business. If you are dressing like Jane put your hair up; pile on the red lipstick, and toss a couple back before the guests arrive. Someone will carry you home.


On a final note: if none of these characters seem quite right you could always dress as the unfortunate secretary Lois and don a cardigan and overwhelming air of failure.

Just stay off the John Deere.



We recently snagged a copy of Betty Crocker’s Hostess Cookbook on Ebay, so happy to have the book that has been under Betty Draper’s kitchen phone since the beginning of the series. We’ve used it to inspire the recipes you see here, and we’d love to give it to one lucky reader. Just tell us who your favorite character is and why on the Concord Monitor website and we’ll randomly choose a winner.


To have a proper Mad Men inspired party you will need more than some cans of beer and a bottle of wine from the Rite Aid. You need legitimate cocktails and a retro snack or two. This is the perfect time to break out the vintage cocktail shakers and the sets of highball glasses you got stuck with when your grandparents moved into a retirement home. You can also nearly always find some at the Salvation Army. That’s where Suzanne got the ones in the pictures, and the relish tray too.

Gin & Sin
The perfect drink for this morally challenged bunch.
For each drink:
1 ½ ounce gin
1 ounce orange juice
1 ounce lemon juice
½ teaspoon grenadine syrup

Pour everything but the grenadine into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice. Cover and shake well. Strain into a stemmed glass filled with ice. Pour the grenadine syrup over the top. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

Sidecar
Very refreshing and worthy of a second look. Just like Lane Pryce.
For each drink:
1 ½ ounces cognac
1 ounce Cointreau or other orange flavored liquor
Squeeze of lemon

Pour everything into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice. Cover and shake well. Strain into a stemmed glass filled with ice. Garnish with a slice of lemon or a twist of lemon rind.

Polynesian Dip
Betty Crocker uses shrimp, but we frugaled it right up by substituting ham and switching out the curry dip for a whipped mustard.

1 large pineapple, one with lots of fresh green leaves
2 pounds honey ham, cut into 1 inch pieces
12 ounce jar green olives with pimentos
2 14 ounce cans pineapple chunks
1 package wooden toothpicks, frilled or not

Cut a 1 inch slice from the top of the pineapple, leaving green leaves on top. With a knife create a 3 inch deep well in the center of the pineapple by cutting away the pineapple and reserving for another purpose. Attach alternating chunks of pineapple and ham/olive with the toothpicks into the sides of the pineapple, creating a spiral pattern. Fill the well with mustard dip made by whipping ½ cup heavy cream until it holds stiff peaks and stir in a tablespoon or two of Dijon mustard. Display on a platter alongside the pineapple top for a festive look.

Clam Dip
Extra easy to put together and surprisingly good.
When the garnishes ran out Mr. Ellinwood used a spoon.

1 7 ounce can of minced clams
8 ounces cream cheese at warm room temperature
½ clove garlic, minced
4 shakes Tabasco sauce, or more or less to taste

Drain the clams, reserving the juice. Mix with the cream cheese, garlic and Tabasco. Taste and add salt if needed. Thin with teaspoons of clam juice until dip reaches the desired consistency. Serve with carrots, radishes and celery sticks.

Chafing Dish Meatballs
A crazy combination but these are a sweet and spicy crowd pleaser.
Also great for dinner over rice.
Makes about 32 Meatballs

2 pounds 85% lean ground beef
½ cup dry bread crumbs
½ cup minced onion
1/3 cup milk
3 tablespoons minced fresh parsley, plus more for garnish
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons butter
1 12 ounce jar Chili sauce
1 12 ounce jar grape jelly

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together first six ingredients and form into 1 ounce meatballs. Place on a foil lined tray and bake for 12-15 minutes, just until meatballs are cooked through. Place in a chafing dish or crock pot and keep warm. In a medium saucepan stir together the remaining ingredients. Bring to a simmer and stir well. Pour over the meatballs, garnish with parsley and serve with toothpicks.

And special thanks to the fabulous and opinionated http://projectrungay.blogspot.com/ for two seasons and counting of Mad Men commentary that is the perfect combination of intelligence and bitchery.

TLo's critiques of the female characters and their wardrobes are brilliant: pithy, funny and spot on. All of the screen caps of the Mad Men characters in this post have been scraped from their website.

Mad Men Obsession

It is true...
I am obsessed with Mad Men.
As I wait out the long hot summer, anticipating the start of season 4,
I am also busy with preparations for a wedding.

Thank God, because that has distracted me somewhat.


My oldest daughter, the beautiful Catherine,
is marrying the wonderful Dan on September 25th.
And not only is this a wonderful, magical event
I say Thanks be to God that Catherine and Dan are going with a 1950s style affair
(because that works perfectly for me).

I love it!!!!!

The only problem thus far
is
THE DRESS
(mine that is)
It must be THE PERFECT Mother of the Bride Dress:
The perfect fit

The most amazing color
The ability to make me look at least 5'9", rail thin with tight arms and neck.
Also?
The perfect combo of Joan and Betty.

So:
If anyone out there has that dress
For the love of GOD,
send it to me.

Orange Rosemary Marinated Chicken

Before eating 47 S'mores created on a beachfront bonfire, it's good to get some lean protein. At least that's what I told the littles this evening.

This scrumptious recipe came right off the store brand OJ carton from the Shop N Save in Calais Maine.

Ingredients:
To serve 6-8 people, more or less, depending on S'more situation

2 cups orange juice
1/2 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons fresh or 1 tablespoon dried rosemary, finely chopped
5 cloves of garlic, crushed
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
10 pieces chicken.

Combine everything but the chicken in a large bowl. Add the chicken and marinate, stirring occasionally, for two hours. Remove from the marinade, pat dry and grill over medium heat until cooked through.

Serve hot or cold.

Thank you Adderall!

I am in staying with friends in New Brunswick enjoying a restful weekend. The local temperature is 62 degrees and it is gorgeous.

The Forbes family has a tradition of adding a piece of artwork to a wooded path through the trees, and not wanting to be rude I jumped right in (OK so I also had a column to work on and I am a Class 5 procrastinator).

Here is what it is possible to accomplish in two days with 300 mussel shells, four pieces of driftwood, some yellow rope and two 10 milligram doses of racemic amphetamine aspartate monohydrate.

Imagine, just for a second, if someday I use my powers for good.

Sweet Treats: Cupside Down Cakes

I think I've made Amy Sedaris' cupcake recipe at least 250 times.

They are dense and loaded with vanilla flavor and foolproof.

Well, nearly foolproof.

Last weekend I waited until the last minute to make 36 of these for
Catherine's wedding shower.
I loaded up the mixer, dolloped the batter into the cups and shoved them into the oven.

We could spend some time here reflecting on why procrastination is a terrible idea; how I should have made these days before (and wrapped them in freezer paper and gently froze them in the Tupperware container I reserve for just such an occasion)
and at a minimum should always keep an extra bag of flour on hand;
but what would be the point of that? I'm not going to change. At least not much.

Anyway, as the cupcakes began to cool they began to shrink.
And shrink.
And shrink and shrink and shrink some more.
And entirely separate from the wrappers.

By the time they were room temperature
every single cupcake looked like someone had peeled them one by one
and then decide they didn't really want one and had put it back on the cooling rack.

Which is not to say that scenario couldn't happen in my house full of grabby boys,
but since I'd been in the kitchen the whole time,
I knew that the shrinkage was organic.
Not to mention awful.

Here it was, 10:00 at night:
I had weird looking cupcakes,
no more flour,
no more butter
and no more time.
Because of my procrastination problem
I still had about 50 other things to do before 10:30 when I was due at the shower.

In a burst of creative desperation I flipped them over,
glazed them in chocolate
and
nestled them into a bed of chocolate jimmies to hide the ragged bottom edge.

For some odd reason the royal icing daisies turned out reasonably well.
Given the way the rest of the operation was going, I count this as pretty much a miracle.

I slapped one on top of each of the Cupside Down Cakes

Et voila!

Not nearly as nice as Kellie's perfect white cupcakes, but pretty damn good.

If only everything in life could be fixed by being smothered in chocolate.

My Mother Was Right...AGAIN

When I was little I had to wrestle with a bedspread every day of my damn life.

I had a chenille one like this for a lot of years --and every single morning I failed to get it straight.

First the fringe would be puddled on the floor on one side of the bed, and on the other you could see the nasty spot where I had hit the box spring with some recently guzzled bug juice during an especially violent bout of the stomach flu.

Then the whole pillow roll procedure where you fold over the top/deftly place the pillows/flip the whole thing over and keep the crease never went well and I was always left with a lumpy disaster at the top of the bed.

In the mid 1970s I had a lovely rust and mustard colonial American print bedspread that was stiff and quilted and backed with some sort of spongy fabric that felt gross. The polyester fabric made it easier to execute the pillow roll but I was no better at evening up the sides of the thing.

And my mother insisted that bedspreads were not bed covers and so every evening the whole thing had to be gracefully yanked to the bottom of the bed and accordion pleated so that the bedspread wouldn't wrinkle.

Daily torture.

For obvious reasons I was an early adopter of the comforter--spread and cover in one!

And so, so, so easy to tug into place!

And the pillows got shams so they could be artfully tossed up towards the top!

Perfection!

The Marimekko print that BARB and I picked for our room sophomore year at Gettysburg stands out as a favorite, nicely accessorized with a bunch of Chi Omega mascots....

Nice hooters ladies.

I also loved a whole progression of Ralph Lauren florals, starting with this one that I got for the master bedroom of our first house.

Why, yes, my husband is gay. Why do you ask?

But the truth is, unless you're slapping them on bunks, comforters don't look good unless you have a $2,000 bed from Pompanoosuc Mills or a dust ruffle. Not having the former, and being unable to keep the latter clean, straight and decent looking, I've not been happy with the state of my bed for the last several years.

Yes I tried the coverlet look, and even ordered up this dopey mess from the Soft Surroundings Catalog:


Shockingly, the shiny polyester balloon skirt was fugly.

Our bed takes up about 80 percent of our room, so this has been a giant bummer.

Long story short, I went to Pennys and bought an old fashioned, cream colored chenille bedspread and two matching shams.

My bed looks welcoming and comfortable and neat.

Having the adult sized arms and all, I can actually get it straight most days.

Getting my husband to properly pleat in the evenings is another story.

So once again, Harlie had it right the first time.

Does this mean gauchos are on their way back in too?

What Fresh Hell is This?

Which is more irritating?

Scooping this up off the floor eight weeks before my 49th birthday.

or

Knowing that the combination of five kids and a struggling business will prevent me from EVER becoming an American Retired Person.

Le sigh...

Free Hugs in Sondrio, Italy

Amen, I say take the risk