a billion calories down, another couple billion to go

What with the constant and unnerving stress of starting a business and managing this household of unruly, messy and needy men, I am on target to gain about 25 pounds before New Year's Day.

It's good to have a goal, and to work methodically towards completion; doing a little bit every day, keeping the eyes on the prize, visualizing success...

Thought I'd share photographic proof of the good work I am doing to reach my goal. Note my personal stick of butter.

what's next, guyliner?

You know, in times like these, I can only be grateful that I live far from the fashion capitols of the world......

mantyhose

When I was in college in the early 1980s I was known to be, not a giant slob, but also an incredibly accomplished procrastinator. Paper due in the morning? Perfect time to say, return that sweater to Dana, get a cup of coffee from the Bullet Hole, check the sorority information board, flip through the new albums at the radio station, submit an especially juicy gossip item to Potpourri (Gettysburg's daily printed gossip sheet) and finally get all the dirty clothes off the floor of the closet and organized by color into the laundry bag. All that accomplished, I'd sit down at the typewriter around midnight and finally get started.

Some things never change.

These days, rather than say, organizing my shoes, or cleaning up my desk by making neat piles arranged at right angles or organizing a group of pledges to go steal toilet paper from a fraternity house, I waste time and avoid work by perusing the postings on The Daily Beast. Not only does Tina Brown's online adventure feature blogs written by Christopher Buckley and Ana Marie Cox, the title comes directly from Evelyn Waugh--which makes a giant English major nerd like me extremely happy. As a bonus, as long as no one looks at my computer screen, I can maintain the illusion of working.

Which brings us to the real reason for this post.

Instead of buckling down and finishing the new column (delicious, reasonably healthy crock pot soup, fabulous short cut bread) I linked to the Times of London and read about

MANTYHOSE

apparently GUYS in London are wearing pantyhose. Under their trousers. To prevent chafing.

How can I get any work done when there is nonsense like this:

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/fashion/article5171413.ece

out there to distract me?

the original dessert in a cup

Robin;

When I saw your post, all I could think of was your old coffee order:

extra extra cream

extra extra sugar

Clearly, desserts in coffee mugs are very appealing to you, my friend.

hmmmmm, maybe there's a column idea in there somewhere...

Just What we need to Calm our fears Cake in a Cup

When you are down and troubled and you need a helping hand, grab on to your coffee mug and hold on for your life, You can do this a secret little fix in the middle of those sleepless nights, Hey why not enjoy some cake in a cup while you figure out family finances, ummmm good! I will admit I have not tried out this little ditty yet, but I was sent this by a dear friend and I just thought it should be shared with a s many people as possible.....

The process may not look pretty but boy oh boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End Result Looks Better than Good Enjoy!!!!

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

A small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug :)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.

Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts. The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

This the most dangerous cake recipe in the world ?

Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

a question

I have to bring a dessert to a dinner party tomorrow night.

Anyone have any suggestions for something Italian?

you want ugly? i got ugly.......

Who would have thought that Uncle Fester would even look at someone as frightening as Amy Winehouse, let alone be her date for the evening?

Nice jaundice Festy....

It's a damn shame the camera angle doesn't capture the full majesty of the huge beehive hairdoo that even at this early point in the night had already slipped down to the nape of my neck.

Cheap wigs suck.

Oh My God!!!!!!!!! Ugly Pictures

Suzanne we must be trying to scare people away with the last 2 posts. We appear to have no cooking skills and people are going to start to wonder if the pictures in the paper are phony. So lets go back to the good photo's with pretty food pictures or great photos of us shopping it up for our next coloumn......Tune in soon for great action shots of the two of us trying to party for a bargin ...... Or if all else fails a few more of the bad stuff so you will really appreciate the good stuff right :)

don't try this at home

This is just classic -- I roasted the wings for the make-ahead gravy but could not find my small roasting pan. If I had to guess I would say that one of the passive-aggressive teen (who occasionally indulge me and empty the dishwasher) crammed it into some random cupboard, and so I had to use Pyrex. No problem with the roasting, but Pyrex cannot go onto the top of the stove, so my first attempt to show pictures of our culinary wonders in process is a minor failure.

I had to scrape all the shmutz into a cast iron pan to actually make the gravy.

The good news is that the wings yeilded 2 big turkey sandwiches.

november 19, 2008: frugal feasts make ahead side dishes for thanksgiving

Photo by Ken Williams of the Concord Monitor

Mashed Potatoes:
These potatoes are an Ellinwood family staple. For some reason (most likely the cream cheese) they stay hot for at least an hour, and they are so creamy and delicious we always make more than we think we could possibly need.
For ten servings:
5 pound bag of Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 2 inch chunks
8 ounces regular cream cheese
8 ounces of butter (2 sticks)
¼ cup heavy cream
2 teaspoons of salt (or to taste)
1 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
Put the potatoes into a big pot of cold water and bring to a boil on the stove. Cook, stirring infrequently, until the potatoes can be easily pierced with a fork. Drain and return to the pot.
Meanwhile, put the remaining ingredients into a microwave safe bowl and nuke for 1 minute at high power to soften the butter and the cream cheese. Set aside.
Using a hand mixer, mix the potatoes until they are creamy and completely lump free. Add the butter and cream cheese mixture and beat until well mixed and fluffy—5 or 6 minutes to really whip them up. Spoon into an oven safe covered dish. Refrigerate for up to 3 days. When ready to cook, place in 350 degree oven for 1 hour. Dot top with more butter to serve.

Make Ahead Gravy
Enough for 10 servings, plus some leftovers
Making gravy on Thanksgiving is a nightmare. Everything else is ready to go, people are wandering through the kitchen picking at the turkey platter and the clock ticks as you frantically try to get the gravy thickened. Forget that. Make this on Tuesday, and as the roasted turkey is resting on the counter, all you’ll need to do is nuke the gravy and put it into the boat. And it is so delicious, you’ll never want to crack open a jar again.
2 turkey wings (the markets are full of them this time of year)
1 medium onion, roughly chopped
2 tablespoons softened butter
3 cans turkey broth (or chicken broth in a pinch)
3 heaping tablespoons cornstarch
3 tablespoons brandy (optional but really delicious)
Salt and pepper to taste.
Smear the turkey wings with the butter, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast in a small pan along with the onions, in a 375 degree oven for an hour or until the wings are dark and cooked through. Remove the wings from the pan and place the pan on the stove top. Remove the wings from the pan and set aside for another use – like turkey salad or soup.
In a small jar with a lid (take one from your recycling) mix together the cornstarch and about a half a cup of cold turkey broth. Shake hard for about 45 seconds until the mixture is smooth and lump free.
Add the remaining broth to the pan and cook on medium heat until it simmers, scraping the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon to release all the drippings. When the mixture is starting to bubble, add the cornstarch mixture and whisk the gravy until it thickens. Taste and adjust the salt and the pepper to taste. Add the brandy and cook for 1 additional minute. Refrigerate for up to 2 days. To serve, reheat covered in the microwave for about 3 minutes on high. Stir before filling the gravy boat.

New Hampshire Style Sweet Potato Puree
A Broadbent Family Classic!
For 10 servings:
6 large sweet potatoes
8 ounce tub of whipped cream cheese, softened
½ cup real maple syrup
Roast the sweet potatoes at 350 degrees for about one hour, until potatoes are very soft.
Remove from oven and scrape from skins into the bowl of a food processor. Process for about one minute until very smooth. Add the remaining ingredients and process for another 30 seconds until well mixed and velvety. Keeps in the fridge for about a week, so make this one today! Reheat in the microwave for 2 minutes on high power, stirring once. Dot with butter before serving. If you don’t have a food processor, use a hand mixer and mix for about 3 minutes before adding the other ingredients. Mix for another minute or so, scraping the bottom of the bowl with a spatula to make sure everything is incorporated.

Becky’s Truly Delicious Turnip Casserole

This comes from a good friend. If turnips are a tradition at your house, try this. It is sweet and a wonderful combination of flavors and textures. And since turnips are just the worst things in the world to cut and peel, this is a great one to do ahead!
10 small servings

3 pounds turnips or rutebegas, peeled and cut into 1 inch chunks

3 tablespoons butter
½ cup sugar, divided
2 large eggs, beaten
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper

1 ½ cups soft bread crumbs from 4 slices fresh bread
1 tablespoon melted butter

Put the turnips into a large pot of cold water and sprinkle in ¼ cup sugar. Boil until turnips are tender, and drain well. Mash by hand until pretty well broken up – some lumps are ok. Mix with the eggs, the remaining ¼ cup sugar, salt and pepper. Put into an oven safe dish. Keeps for about a week in the fridge.
When ready to cook, mix the breadcrumbs with the butter and sprinkle on the top of the turnips. Bake for about a half hour until hot and browned.

Jaime’s Apple Cranberry Bake

Have the kids make this. Really!
4 granny smith or other apples, cored and sliced into about 8-10 slices each. (a wheel shaped apple corer/slicer is perfect for this, but if you don’t have one, help the kids with this task.)
1 can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 package oatmeal or sugar cookie mix
1 egg
1 stick of softened butter.
2 tablespoons decorative or sanding sugar, optional
Vanilla ice cream, optional

In a pie plate or other shallow baking dish mix the apples and the can of cranberry sauce. In a medium bowl, sitr together the cookie mix, egg and butter until it forms a sticky dough. Make sure to scrape to the bottom of the bowl to get everything combined.

Use a spoon to drop clumps of the sugar cookie mixture on top of the apples and cranberries. Use all the dough, and don’t worry if there are cracks and spaces in the topping. Sprinkle with the decorative sugar if using.

Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour, until the cookie topping is crisp and cooked and the apples have bubbled up. This can sit, uncovered, on the counter for 2 days. Reheat for 15 minutes before serving if desired.

Serve with Vanilla ice cream.

crazy co-columnist feeding the masses

Ok ,Suzanne, lie around in bed all day, while I am praying for your soul.......and feeding 140 people Thanksgiving Dinner,

Yesterday was our first Parish wide Thanksgiving Dinner (whose bright idea was this?) We spent the morning stuffing birds making mashed potatoes and trying to figure out where the hell to buy precooked birds considering we only had six cooking for this meal ,and the math said six turkeys will feed 120 people, do you think we could have thought of this like say Tuesday or Wednesday......so we continued on hoping it would work out,as the dinner hour approached there was Turkey flying as the master carver's filled our church kitchen, gravy bubbling on the stove, friends arriving with every conceivable side dish known to man. The line went on and on , we watched as the Turkey platters were filled over and over again with moist Delicious turkey, not only did we have enough we could have done it with three turkey's we had a mountain of turkey left over....... go figure... isn't there a story about the loaves and fishes feeding 5000..... :)

Well it is was a great day and now I will attempt to make soup in this giant pan that sits on my stove......How much soup can six turkeys make tune in tomorrow and I'll let you know :)

idiot columnist abandons family to try to meet monday's deadline

I am really on a streak with the bad pictures.

Actually, since I have not showered since Friday, and my hair is a squirrely mess, I guess it is for the best that Wyatt's little shaky little mitts blurred the frightening image.

Oh sure, you thought we newspaper columnists had it all going on, and are leading lives of fabulous leisure; well sister, the truth is never pretty.

Here I am this morning, having finally, after about 30 mind numbing hours, sent the really really really rough draft of next Wednesday's column for polishing by Robin. As I sit here in my bed, surrounded by this morning's Concord Monitor, Lego space ships and more than a few empty coffee cups, Robin in on bended knee at St. Paul's church, HOPEFULLY praying for my soul.

For some reason this one was really hard.

Probably because we are trying to write something heart-felt and joyous about Thanksgiving and frankly, I am not feeling all that joyous about the prospects of the next ten days-- I have an overwhelming sense of dread about launching a new business in this economic shit storm, and spending so much time trying to craft a column means that my children are downstairs eating all the school snacks and the laundry is spiraling out of control. Neither of which is going to make Monday any easier. If I could figure out how to load music onto this page, you'd be listening to that Boomtown Rats song right now.

Also, I am clearly a better writer of snark than anything heartfelt.

"Better" being a totally relative word.

pumpkin praline cupcakes

Last night I made these for dessert.

Despite the fairly poor picture -- it was dark in the kitchen and I had no time to work on a better set up -- they were moist and delicious and the praline topping was killer.

Next time I think I'll just make the topping and screw the cupcakes.

The recipe here is for 12, obvi to make 24 just double the amounts. You don't really need twice the praline topping, there is plenty for 24, but that would mean less to munch on while you wait for the cupcakes to cool. And frankly, who am I to judge?

Cupcakes:

Preheat oven to 350.

Beat together 2 eggs, 1/3 cup oil and one cup sugar.

Sift together 1 cup flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 3/4 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder and 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice.

Add half the flour mixture to the eggs, then half a 15 ounce can of pumpkin puree. Repeat with remainder of the flour mixture and the rest of the can of pumpkin. Make sure it is well mixed.

Plop into 12 muffin cups lined with 2 paper liners each (for some reason these get really wet on the bottom and this way you can throw out the outer one).

Bake for approximately 17-18 minutes. Tops should be sort of springy but don't overcook.

Frosting:

Beat together 8 ounces cream cheese, 1 stick of butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla and 2 cups of powdered sugar. Spread onto cooled cupcakes.

Praline Topping:

Note: I don't think I'd double this, I think I would make it twice, at least the first time. The sugar is so ridiculously hot and hard to work with, I would rather have a smaller amount of nuclear hot sugar.

Line a cookie sheet with foil and spritz with non-stick spray.

Stir together 1/3 cup chopped hazelnets and 3 tablespoons butter in a small sauce pan. Heat until butter melts and set aside off the heat.

Put 1 cup sugar into a heavy pan. I like to use cast iron here, but whatever. Cook the sugar over medium low heat until it melts. Stir occasionally.

Be careful, this will burn the bejebus out of you if it touches your skin.

Stir and watch until caramel reaches a light brown color. This can easily take 10 minutes. don't let it burn, it will taste awful.

Add the buttered nuts and immediately spread it out onto the foil.

let cool and break into small shards.

Artistically arrange a few onto the top of each cupcake.

mmmmmmmm

I want a puppy too as long as it isn't a filthy p.o.s. pug....

Oh me of little faith.

I was convinced that Wonkette would be totally irrelevant as of November 5th.

I was certain that the best political blog of the 2008 election cycle (and by best, I of course mean snarkiest) would be as worthless as Levi's pre-convention commitment to Bristol...

As fried as Nicole Wallace's hair and career...

As worn down at the heels as a pair of red Naughty Monkey brand Gucci knock off pumps...

I was wrong, and I humbly repent.

This mash up of Hopey's speech is ridiculously amusing.

Thank you Wonkette for restoring my faith in the political blogisphere. Without you, I might have had time to clean this filthy house.

Yes We Did

Can not miss an opportunity to show off my little Obama kids

Straight from the Ellinwood Tavern to a table near you

The Broadbent Wine goes well with Blue Stew

Red or Blue it was a most exciting night for all !!!!!!

Red Dish, Blue Dish, For the USA we have One Wish!

Our wish is that President Obama brings America together

We are both thrilled with Barack's win but we both honor the service that John McCain has selflessly given to our country.

Even my husband Peter the Republican (as opposed to, say, Peter the Plumber) is excited about the prospect of this new presidency.



Robin is going to post some pictures later from our super speedy photo shoot with Ken Williams, but in the interim, I thought I'd just post some tips for making either of the two stews.

For the pork stew:

• This can easily go in the crock pot--wait until the end to add the veggies and the thickener. 6-8 hours on low should do it.
• We used boneless pork butt, but you could use any reasonably fatty pork. The boneless chops are too lean and get tough in the simmer.
• To clean mushrooms, just wipe with a damp dish towel. If you get them too wet they lose all their flavor.
• Dried or fresh herbs work wonderfully well, just remember to use more fresh -- more like a tablespoon of each as fresh herbs are milder than dried.

For the Beef:

• The perfect red wine for this stew is the Five Oaks brand that is $2.99 at RiteAid. WalMart also sells a $2.99 bottle called Oak something -- Oak Leaf? Anyway the cabernet is ok. The chardonnay, not so much. It is only drinkable if it is chilled to nearly the point of freezing or if there isn't anything else in the house. Even then it should be cold.
• This also works in the crock-pot. Again, don't add the veggies until the end, and leave the meat in slightly larger chunks so that the meat doesn't overcook. 6-8 hours on low will get it done.

november 5, 2008: frugal feasts red state/blue state stews

beef with baby vegetables
Hearty Pork Stew

Pork Stew
Serves 6 at $1.75 per serving

1 ½ lbs pork butt, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 teaspoon dried sage, crushed
1 teaspoon dried mint, crushed
1/4 cup of butter, divided
8 ounces fresh button mushrooms halved or quartered
2 medium onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic minced
1 14 ounce can chicken broth
1 bay leaf
1 pound bag frozen crinkle cut carrots
3 tablespoons all -purpose flour
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper to taste

For Serving:

Hot buttered noodles

Preheat oven to 350. Sprinkle pork with sage and mint. Melt 1 tablespoon of the butter in a 12 inch oven proof skillet with lid or other heavy lidded pot over medium heat. Brown the pork in the butter, turning often. Remove the pork from the pan and set aside. Add the mushrooms, onions and garlic to the skillet and cook for about 5 minutes until the onions are tender. Stir in the chicken broth, and add the bay leaf, salt and pepper and the browned pork. Cover the pan and place in the preheated oven for 30 minutes. Stir in the carrots and return to the oven for another 20 minutes until the carrots are tender.

Melt the remaining butter in a small sauce pan over medium-low heat. Whisk in the flour and the Worcestershire sauce. Cook, stirring constantly for one minute and remove from heat.

Transfer the pan from the oven to the stove top and bring the pork to a boil over medium heat. Add the flour mixture and stir well. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook uncovered for two minutes or until sauce is slightly thickened. Remove bay leaf and serve over hot buttered noodles.

Beef Stew with Baby Vegetables

Inspired by our favorite blue state cook, Ina Garten.
6 servings at $2.00 per serving
2 strips uncooked bacon, cut into small dice
2 lb package beef chuck for stew , cut into bite sized pieces, approx ½ inch.
1 teaspoon fresh ground pepper,
1 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 teaspoon rosemary, chopped
1 bottle red wine, 1 can beef broth or a mixture of both
1 can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon dried rosemary, plus more for garnish
1 cup frozen peas, thawed and drained
1 cup frozen pearl onions thawed and drained
1 cup frozen baby carrots, thawed and drained
For Serving:
1 medium sized loaf of skinny French bread, cut into thin slices
1 clove of garlic, peeled and cut in half
Cook the bacon in a heavy lidded pot over medium heat until the bacon is crisp. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon and set aside.
Sprinkle the beef with the salt and the pepper. Working in batches, brown the meat in the bacon fat over medium heat. Cook for 1-2 minutes stirring occasionally until at least one side of each beef piece is brown.
Add the minced garlic and stir around with the meat for one minute. Add the wine and broth if using, and the can of tomatoes. Bring to a simmer and cover the pot. Keep the meat at a simmer for approximately 1 hour, until the beef is tender when pierced with a fork. Add the thawed vegetables and simmer for another 10 minutes, until the vegetables are warmed through.
Rub the bread slices with garlic. Put two slices in the bottom of each of 6 soup bowls. Ladle the beef and vegetables over the bread. Garnish with some additional rosemary and serve hot.

Ready, Set, Go

The next 48 hrs are sure to be a little stressful, whether you are red or blue, Tuesday will be unlike any other we make history no matter which way we go !!! So make sure to check out the latest column on Wednesday and make one of our Delicious stews, no details to give away yet.....

Just know that both meals will be enjoyed by The Democrats and Republicans in each household..... Thanks God my house votes one way.. Suzanne you are a better woman than I...

See you at the Polls !!!!!!!!!!